The first thing I need to say on this post, is that I am not a Dr. Phil fan. If you think he is the best thing to come around since sliced bread, well I will pray for you. My primary reason for not liking Dr. Phil is that in his books, he essentially says we need to get rid of all moral authority because it has bound us and keeps us under its heavy weight. However, he then proceeds to become the moral authority. He sets himself up to be the readers only friend or at least the only one on his or her side. I have difficulty with this, because there are a lot of people on my side. God is one of those on my side and God is the only moral authority I need.
Anyway, I happened to be home one day when my wife was at home as well and she was watching Dr. Phil. I admit it, I watched it with her. Understand this Dr. Phil is not a therapist, he is a consultant, he has no liscense in any state and it is unclear he was ever a liscensed therapist. This particular episode of Dr. Phil featured a family who was having a great deal of difficulty with thier oldest daughter. If I remember correctly there were two children the oldest being a daughter and the youngest a boy. The youngest in the family was barely mentioned. The mother and the father were both on the show and the mother was the first to talk. She talked about how her husband was too hard on thier daughter and that some of his discipline was extreme. For example he would make her stand in the corner with her arms outstretched for up to four hours, he would send het to bed without eating and various other such things. The father explained that he believed discipline should be strict and did not think that this was over the top.
This conversation took about five minutes and then they did this little film footage thing about the daughter. It showed how she had run away from home, would disapear for a few days, how she cussed out her mother, yelled at her father and other such things. This took about ten minutes, then they went to commercial. They came back and Dr. Phil started asking the father questions about his relationship with his daughter. The questioning lasted quite a while and then Dr. Phil met with the daughter and talked to her about her actions and such. Lastly he came back to the couple and talked more about the daughter, with a brief thirty second line to the mother about her need to realize that she is too passive. All in all 99% of the show was focused on the daughter, the identified patient.
Here is my problem, the daughter is the identified patient, but it seems to me that she is acting out the problems in the marriage and the family system. Therefore it is the family system that needs to be focused on, not just the daughter. In my opinion, Dr. Phil actually exasperates the problem, because he keeps the focus on the daughter. It was briefly mentioned that the mother felt that the father was too controlling and emotionally distant. It seems to me that the first issue to take care of in the family system is the stress between the mother and father. In other words, they have an issue (or more likely issues) between themselves, but rather than handle that issue, they have chosen to focus on the daughter. Hence, unconsciously, the daughter has been taught that if she acts out, then her parents get along better. The reality is though, it just gives them and excuse not to handle thier problems. The more they focus on the daughter, the less they fight. They can have a common enemy to fight in the daughter. Thus, they have a false intimacy, not a true sharing of each other. You see if one coaches or counsels the daughter into being healthy, the parents are going to put unconscious pressure on her to return to the "normal" roll of the trouble maker, because this keeps them from fighting. However, if the whole family is looked upon as a system and whole family coached, then a truly healthy family can begin.
I believe that this focus on the individual is a problem in American culture. Do not get me wrong, I do not blame the parents, nor do I take away individual responsibility. Each individual in a system needs to change, because they have all added to the problem. However, individuals exists within emotional systems and each one of these puts pressure on the individual to act a certain way and play a certain roll. We have to be aware of our connection to other people and how our actions affect them. We tend to think of individual rights, what I do is my own business and nobody else will get hurt. This is wrong. Whatever we do affects other people, we are all connected. We need to remember this and think about our own actions and how they affect others.
Dane
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Thursday, December 11, 2008
How to be a Hero
It has been about two months since I posted. It is not that I have not had plenty to say in those two months. I have just been incredibly busy. The older my children get, the mor they want to do with sports and other school activities. Then there is church activities, planning church activities, preparing sermons, visiting in the hospital and nursing home, and the hundreds of other things I choose to do. In the midst of all of this we had 29 people at our house on thanksgivng, 16 of those stayed for two nights. Now don't get me wrong this was awesome, but it took a lot of preparation as well. However, I chose to do these things. Notice I said choose, I do not have to do anything. I do have to accept the consequences of what I do not do, but I do not have to do anything. I choose to do all of the things I do. For me this is a freeing thought.
Anyway, the other day I was listening to a Cowboy Storteller. His name is Micheal Johnson. I was give a set of his CDs by one of my parishioners. It has veen fascinating and insightful. In this particular story, he was talking about a school he had visited. They were doing some sort of meeting with all of the teachers and the leader of the meeting had them divide up into groups according to when they graduated from high school. Then he asked them for the groups to come to a consensus about thier generations heroes. Johnson's group graduated in the fifties and they all talked about many heros they had, Roy Rogers, Gene Autry and many others. Men who could fight when needed, but did not always turn to violence. Men who were tough and caring. When it came time to share with the rest of the group, it was difficult for his group to share because they had so many. Then it came time for the group that graduated in the nineties to share. The speaker for this group said that they had come to the consensus that they had no heros for their generation.
What a sad comment. I thought about it for a momenet. I graduated in 1988, so I am a little older than this group, but who are the heroes of today? My first thought was of my dad, for me he is a hero. He worked hard and did a great job of raising us three boys. My mother was there to raise us as well and she is a heroine to me. They provided for me a "Leave it to Beaver" type of home life. That makes them heroes to me. I hope I am doing just as well for my own children. There are others that are heroes as well, but they are not always well known.
Although, there are some sports stars that do not mess up, it seems that the ones who the media like to talk about are always doing stupid things outside of the game. The media does not cover the good Christians that do not cause controversey, this does not make good news. Then there are the movies stars. Again there are a few like Christen Chenoweth, who have kept their Christian faith and do good things, but again the media does not cover them much. Instead we get too much information about those that are into drugs or alternate lifestyles. We hear about the mess ups, but not the true heroes.
So I thought who are my heroes. Certainly I would include Martin Luther King, Jr, Rosa Parks, Diedrich Boenhoefer, Nelson Mandela, and many others who helped to change the world for the better. You see I do not think that it is a lack of heroes that we suffer from, we just have to look harder to find the heroes around us.
There are everyday ordinary hereos, like the single mom struggling to raise her children, the father who never misses a ballgame, the teenager who walks over to the lonely student and invites them to join the crowd, the teacher who takes extra time with his or her students in order to help them, the man or woman who set an example in word and deed for others. These are everyday heroes.
Then there are heroes who do extraordinary things and seem to change the world. They are there, but they are not usually recognized in thier life time. I guess my challenge to all of us is instead of looking for heroes, be a hero. Stand for Christ and his love, reach out to the lost and show them the way. Dare to touch the untouchable and love the unloveable, then we become true hereos. Maybe we will gain world recognition, or maybe we willl just be one person's hero. iether way we change the world,when we are heroes.
Dane
Anyway, the other day I was listening to a Cowboy Storteller. His name is Micheal Johnson. I was give a set of his CDs by one of my parishioners. It has veen fascinating and insightful. In this particular story, he was talking about a school he had visited. They were doing some sort of meeting with all of the teachers and the leader of the meeting had them divide up into groups according to when they graduated from high school. Then he asked them for the groups to come to a consensus about thier generations heroes. Johnson's group graduated in the fifties and they all talked about many heros they had, Roy Rogers, Gene Autry and many others. Men who could fight when needed, but did not always turn to violence. Men who were tough and caring. When it came time to share with the rest of the group, it was difficult for his group to share because they had so many. Then it came time for the group that graduated in the nineties to share. The speaker for this group said that they had come to the consensus that they had no heros for their generation.
What a sad comment. I thought about it for a momenet. I graduated in 1988, so I am a little older than this group, but who are the heroes of today? My first thought was of my dad, for me he is a hero. He worked hard and did a great job of raising us three boys. My mother was there to raise us as well and she is a heroine to me. They provided for me a "Leave it to Beaver" type of home life. That makes them heroes to me. I hope I am doing just as well for my own children. There are others that are heroes as well, but they are not always well known.
Although, there are some sports stars that do not mess up, it seems that the ones who the media like to talk about are always doing stupid things outside of the game. The media does not cover the good Christians that do not cause controversey, this does not make good news. Then there are the movies stars. Again there are a few like Christen Chenoweth, who have kept their Christian faith and do good things, but again the media does not cover them much. Instead we get too much information about those that are into drugs or alternate lifestyles. We hear about the mess ups, but not the true heroes.
So I thought who are my heroes. Certainly I would include Martin Luther King, Jr, Rosa Parks, Diedrich Boenhoefer, Nelson Mandela, and many others who helped to change the world for the better. You see I do not think that it is a lack of heroes that we suffer from, we just have to look harder to find the heroes around us.
There are everyday ordinary hereos, like the single mom struggling to raise her children, the father who never misses a ballgame, the teenager who walks over to the lonely student and invites them to join the crowd, the teacher who takes extra time with his or her students in order to help them, the man or woman who set an example in word and deed for others. These are everyday heroes.
Then there are heroes who do extraordinary things and seem to change the world. They are there, but they are not usually recognized in thier life time. I guess my challenge to all of us is instead of looking for heroes, be a hero. Stand for Christ and his love, reach out to the lost and show them the way. Dare to touch the untouchable and love the unloveable, then we become true hereos. Maybe we will gain world recognition, or maybe we willl just be one person's hero. iether way we change the world,when we are heroes.
Dane
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Reality Check
About two weeks ago I returned from a mission trip to Mexico. My wife, myself and ten other people went to Rio Bravo, Mexico and we helped to build a food pantry and disaster relief center. The first floor was already on, so we built the walls for the second floor and created the supporting pillars for the building. It was some wonderful work. It was also hard and difficult, but awesome as well.
We returned from this trip, though, to the news that the House of Representatives had voted down the bail out bill and the dow was down over 700 points, which was the biggest single day loss in the history of the dow. I watched the news for the first time in a little under a week and heard how horrible it is and how this could spell the financial ruin of the United States of America. I am also fully aware that many people may loose their homes because of poor decisions that they made. Incidentally, these are mostly on the two coasts and Oklahoma has very few such loans. Just like the banks are going bankrupt because of unethical and poor business practices. According to the media, it seems like everything is going down hill and we should be in a panic about the economic future of the United States of America and about our personal economic future.
I know that there are some people who are going to be hit hard by these economic times. I pray for these people and if there is some way I can help, I will. I also know that three out of the last four times the stock market dropped similar to this, within two years it recovered. However, I have a great deal of difficulty talking about hard economic times after being in Mexico. In fact, it makes me wonder if most of the United States really knows what economic hard times are.
We returned from this trip, though, to the news that the House of Representatives had voted down the bail out bill and the dow was down over 700 points, which was the biggest single day loss in the history of the dow. I watched the news for the first time in a little under a week and heard how horrible it is and how this could spell the financial ruin of the United States of America. I am also fully aware that many people may loose their homes because of poor decisions that they made. Incidentally, these are mostly on the two coasts and Oklahoma has very few such loans. Just like the banks are going bankrupt because of unethical and poor business practices. According to the media, it seems like everything is going down hill and we should be in a panic about the economic future of the United States of America and about our personal economic future.
I know that there are some people who are going to be hit hard by these economic times. I pray for these people and if there is some way I can help, I will. I also know that three out of the last four times the stock market dropped similar to this, within two years it recovered. However, I have a great deal of difficulty talking about hard economic times after being in Mexico. In fact, it makes me wonder if most of the United States really knows what economic hard times are.
If you have ever been to Mexico you probably know what I am talking about. Now, we did not go to the tourist areas, if Rio De Jenero or Accapulco are your only tastes of Mexico, then you have as much idea of what Mexico is like as someone who visits New York City knows the United States. You have only seen the tourist side of Mexico, the real people live quite differently. There are many people who have squatted next to the city dump and built house out of cardboard or cinderblocks that have been thrown away. They came here to live, because they had no other place to go. Thier back yard is stagnant pond in which trash is dumped. The average income is about $150. Their is a straight %15 income tax for all people. In order for your child to go to school, there is about $50 a semester fees that have to be paid. Gas is the same price as ours. If you build a new home, you have to pay for the wire and if needed a transformer so that your house can have electricity. The water out of the faucet is not safe to drink, so most people have to buy purified water. The streets have pot holes big enough to swallow a mid sized car and these streets are in the city. When it rains you have to know which streets are safe and which are not, or you could get stuck in the mud in the middle of a large city. The Oklahoma Conference of the United Methodist Church works with the Methodist Church of Mexico and build houses for some people. These are 12'x16' one room houses. These are smaller than some of our bedrooms and smaller than most of our Sunday School classrooms. yet the people who receive the houses are very proud of them. They are simple cinderblock and cement constructions, but they are much better than living in a tent or a cardboard house.
All of this brought out to me, how much we take for granted. I am fully aware that we have poor and needy people in the United States as well. We also have a middle class that enjoys complaining and panics at such news as we have had of late. Instead of panicing, we need to look around and count our blessings. We have so much to be thankful for. Even if things are as bad as some of the media says they are, we are still more blessed than many of our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world. When you flick a light switch the electricity usually comes on. Most of us have drinkable water and are not wondering where our next meal is going to come from. We are blessed beyond imagining and we need to be thankful for what we have.
The next time you turn on the the television and see a panic report about economics, think about what I have said about Mexico. Then take some time and count your blessings. You will find that there are more blessings than you thought.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Tested Optimism
I am a very optimistic person. Especially when it comes to other human beings. I think most people are good and honest. Most people want to help other people out, but generally do not help because of fear. Of course the fear comes from a few people who act out and ruin it for the rest of us. My optimism was recently tested, though.
I was in Enid, OK the other day shopping at a local grocery store. I had finished my shopping and returned to my pick-up. I put the groceries in the back and sat down and tried to start the pick-up. It would not start. The battery was obviously dead. I opened the hood and looked under the hood, trying to fake it that I actually knew anything about motors. Reality set in and I jiggled the battery cables and tried again. Still no luck. I always carry jumper cables, so I patiently waited on someone to come out of the store, so I could ask them for a jump. A man came out and was getting into his van, so I asked him if I could have a jump. I emphasized that I had my own cables and all I needed was a simple jump. He said, "I can't do that." I was stunned. It would only take five minutes at the most, but he could not do that. I turned and walked back to my pick-up shaking my head. I asked three other people, who simply said no. I was getting a little discouraged and a lot angry at this point. Finally a man pulled up, with long greasy hair, wholy and filthy jeans, an untrimmed goatee and several tattoos. He looked like he had not taken a bath for at least a week. Thinking that the most he could do is say no, I asked him if I could have a jump. He did not even hesitate and said sure. He pulled over and we used my cables and he gave me a jump in less than five minutes. I thanked him profusely and we went on our way.
I know that I am over weight, but I think I look pretty respecable. I was dressed in a nice button down short sleave shirt and a good pair of jeans. I do think I look like an axe murderer and had I seen someone in a similar condition asking for a jump, I would have done it in a second. I could not believe that four people would not help. Perhaps they were busy and on a tight schedule. Maybe one of them had hooked up cables backwards some time and blew up a battery or perhapse they were afraid I would sue them if something went wrong. Either way, this event made me angry and really tested my optismism about human beings.
I know that we humans only get angry when something important to us is threatened, so on the way back for Enid, I had to ask myself "What important thing to me was being threatened?" Certainly I was running late and did not have time for my vehicle to break down, but that was not what was threatened. I fully believe that what was threatened was my view of humanity. I believe in the basic goodness of humanity. However, what good person would say no to giving a car a jump, in the broad daylight of a rather busy parking lot. Especially, when it was a decent looking human being like myself.
That is why I was angry, though. Perhaps I am spoiled living in an area where neighbors still know each other and will go out of thie way to help somone. Perhaps I am overly optimistic about people and our culture in general. Maybe I work around church people too much and have forgotten what a secular society is like. Has our society and culture grown so fearful that we are afraid to get involved with anothe human beings problem, even when they are simple? Are we truly afraid to help other people?
Maybe this was just a bad day, but it has affected me tremendously. I hope that I will not cave in to the culture of fear. I hope and pray that I will be able to show Christ in a situation like this. I think I would.
I was in Enid, OK the other day shopping at a local grocery store. I had finished my shopping and returned to my pick-up. I put the groceries in the back and sat down and tried to start the pick-up. It would not start. The battery was obviously dead. I opened the hood and looked under the hood, trying to fake it that I actually knew anything about motors. Reality set in and I jiggled the battery cables and tried again. Still no luck. I always carry jumper cables, so I patiently waited on someone to come out of the store, so I could ask them for a jump. A man came out and was getting into his van, so I asked him if I could have a jump. I emphasized that I had my own cables and all I needed was a simple jump. He said, "I can't do that." I was stunned. It would only take five minutes at the most, but he could not do that. I turned and walked back to my pick-up shaking my head. I asked three other people, who simply said no. I was getting a little discouraged and a lot angry at this point. Finally a man pulled up, with long greasy hair, wholy and filthy jeans, an untrimmed goatee and several tattoos. He looked like he had not taken a bath for at least a week. Thinking that the most he could do is say no, I asked him if I could have a jump. He did not even hesitate and said sure. He pulled over and we used my cables and he gave me a jump in less than five minutes. I thanked him profusely and we went on our way.
I know that I am over weight, but I think I look pretty respecable. I was dressed in a nice button down short sleave shirt and a good pair of jeans. I do think I look like an axe murderer and had I seen someone in a similar condition asking for a jump, I would have done it in a second. I could not believe that four people would not help. Perhaps they were busy and on a tight schedule. Maybe one of them had hooked up cables backwards some time and blew up a battery or perhapse they were afraid I would sue them if something went wrong. Either way, this event made me angry and really tested my optismism about human beings.
I know that we humans only get angry when something important to us is threatened, so on the way back for Enid, I had to ask myself "What important thing to me was being threatened?" Certainly I was running late and did not have time for my vehicle to break down, but that was not what was threatened. I fully believe that what was threatened was my view of humanity. I believe in the basic goodness of humanity. However, what good person would say no to giving a car a jump, in the broad daylight of a rather busy parking lot. Especially, when it was a decent looking human being like myself.
That is why I was angry, though. Perhaps I am spoiled living in an area where neighbors still know each other and will go out of thie way to help somone. Perhaps I am overly optimistic about people and our culture in general. Maybe I work around church people too much and have forgotten what a secular society is like. Has our society and culture grown so fearful that we are afraid to get involved with anothe human beings problem, even when they are simple? Are we truly afraid to help other people?
Maybe this was just a bad day, but it has affected me tremendously. I hope that I will not cave in to the culture of fear. I hope and pray that I will be able to show Christ in a situation like this. I think I would.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
What's the difference? Matthew 25:31-46
The other day I was preparing a sermon on Matthew 25:31-46. This is the passage where Jesus talks of God seperating the righteous and the unrighteous like a shepherd seperates the sheep from the goats. I was reading several commentaries and looking at the passage myself. This passage has always disturbed me because of it seemingly talking of judgement according to works. None of our works will be good enough, so I believe that we who are Christians will be judged according to the righteousness of Christ. Suddenly it hit me. I was missing the whole point of this passage. The parable was not about judgment, instead the parable was about being able to tell Christians from non-christians by thier actions. Let me explain.
Over the past two years I have gotten to know a bit about goats. I have limited expereince with sheep, but I know enough to know that sheep act differently. Now the goats I have been around the most are boar goats and they deffinetly do not look like sheep. However, I have seen some goats that could be mistaken for sheep. I am not sure what kind of sheep and goats where in the Middle East at the time of Christ. There seems to be some argument over what they looked like. Most commentators do agree that sheep were white and goats black. The fact of the matter is even they looked identicle sheep and goats act differently.
Goats are very playful and love to climb. Sheep do not like to climb and are not very playful. Goats are curious and sheep are afraid of everything. Goats are smart and if there is a way out of pen they will find it. Sheep are not very smart and will starve to death if they find themselves in a corner that they cannot turn to the right or left, they will thirst to death or starve to death because they do not have a reverse gear. Goats eat brush and weeds, sheep eat more grass. Sheep will eat themselves to death, goats will eat till full and stop. In essence, in my oppinion goats are smart and have personality, sheep are just dumb (Okay this is oppinion, but this is my blog). The bottom line is that sheep and goats act differently. Just as those of us who are Christians should act differently than the rest of the world.
Christians should be spending time feeding the hungry, giving water to the thirsty, visiting those who are in prison, helping the sick and clothing the naked. None of this will get a person ahead in the world. In addition when you help the helpless, they can do nothing for you in return. Jesus says that the Christian should be hanging out with the outcast and helping those on the edges of society. In other words, people should be able to look at your actions and know that you are a Christian. This is the challenge of the passage. Can others see the difference that Christ has made in your life? My prayer is that by the grace of God others can see the difference.
Over the past two years I have gotten to know a bit about goats. I have limited expereince with sheep, but I know enough to know that sheep act differently. Now the goats I have been around the most are boar goats and they deffinetly do not look like sheep. However, I have seen some goats that could be mistaken for sheep. I am not sure what kind of sheep and goats where in the Middle East at the time of Christ. There seems to be some argument over what they looked like. Most commentators do agree that sheep were white and goats black. The fact of the matter is even they looked identicle sheep and goats act differently.
Goats are very playful and love to climb. Sheep do not like to climb and are not very playful. Goats are curious and sheep are afraid of everything. Goats are smart and if there is a way out of pen they will find it. Sheep are not very smart and will starve to death if they find themselves in a corner that they cannot turn to the right or left, they will thirst to death or starve to death because they do not have a reverse gear. Goats eat brush and weeds, sheep eat more grass. Sheep will eat themselves to death, goats will eat till full and stop. In essence, in my oppinion goats are smart and have personality, sheep are just dumb (Okay this is oppinion, but this is my blog). The bottom line is that sheep and goats act differently. Just as those of us who are Christians should act differently than the rest of the world.
Christians should be spending time feeding the hungry, giving water to the thirsty, visiting those who are in prison, helping the sick and clothing the naked. None of this will get a person ahead in the world. In addition when you help the helpless, they can do nothing for you in return. Jesus says that the Christian should be hanging out with the outcast and helping those on the edges of society. In other words, people should be able to look at your actions and know that you are a Christian. This is the challenge of the passage. Can others see the difference that Christ has made in your life? My prayer is that by the grace of God others can see the difference.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Cultural enabling (Taking Responsibility for your own actions)
Enabling is endemic to our culture. I truly believe that enabling has become or is fast becoming closely tied to American culture. What has been the latest thing to cause me to think this? The Mortgage Bailout plan that just passed the Senate. The bill is a bailout for people who got into a subprime rate adjustable mortgage and now cannot afford thier payments. Therefore, they are about to lose thier houses. Now the government is stepping in to enable these individuals and allow them to not expereince the consequences of thier actions. (If you want more information see http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/C/CONGRESS_HOUSING?SITE=TXDAM&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT or other articles)
First, I should explain what I mean by enabling. Enabling is usually used in reference to the person or persons that are helping the alcoholic or addict to use their preferred substance. For example, a man goes out and gets drunk on Sunday night, so he is sick with a hangover on Monday morning and cannot go to work. In addition, he passed out on the floor and threw up all over himself. His wife found him in the morning and did not want thier children to see thier father this way, so she dragged him into the bedroom, cleaned up his puke and then called his work to tell them that he had the flu. The wife is enabling and is an enabler. It seems to me that our culture as a whole seeks out enablers to keep our destructive behavior going.
In the case of the mortgages, some people made mistakes in not thinking about long term affects of an adjustable rate mortgage. It is sad that they may lose thier house, but it is a consequence of thier bad descisions in the past. Now it seems that many in our government are wanting to save them from these consequences or enable them to do this again. Many of these people willingly signed these papers and had full disclosure. They made a mistake. I am aware that some people were not told the truth by thier mortgage company and these mortgage companies should be made to take a hit. However, the current government bailout would also allow them to avoid the consequences of bad and unethical business practices.
Even the case of some proponents of abortion on demand, we are wanting to avoid the consequences of our actions. If you have sex, it does not matter what kind of birth control you use the consequences could be a baby or a STD. Abortion as a means of birth control attempts to avoid some of those consequences. It is enabling poor behavior.
We as a culture and as individuals need to stand up and take the consequences of our actions. God teaches us this. I mean God forgives us for ous sins, but many times we have to take the consequences. If I lie to my wife and lose her trust, God and my wife can forgive me, but I still have to earn her trust back. I still have to rebuild the relationship.
It seems to me we do not learn if we do not suffer the consequences. If the government is going to bail me out whenever I make a poor financial decision, then why bother making good ones. I do not have to think about the consequences, because someone else will take them for me.
I hope and pray that congress will realize that they are enabling. I for one will do what I can to take responsibility for my actions. I also hope ai teach my children the same thing. Responsibility is not always pleasant, but it is nesecary.
First, I should explain what I mean by enabling. Enabling is usually used in reference to the person or persons that are helping the alcoholic or addict to use their preferred substance. For example, a man goes out and gets drunk on Sunday night, so he is sick with a hangover on Monday morning and cannot go to work. In addition, he passed out on the floor and threw up all over himself. His wife found him in the morning and did not want thier children to see thier father this way, so she dragged him into the bedroom, cleaned up his puke and then called his work to tell them that he had the flu. The wife is enabling and is an enabler. It seems to me that our culture as a whole seeks out enablers to keep our destructive behavior going.
In the case of the mortgages, some people made mistakes in not thinking about long term affects of an adjustable rate mortgage. It is sad that they may lose thier house, but it is a consequence of thier bad descisions in the past. Now it seems that many in our government are wanting to save them from these consequences or enable them to do this again. Many of these people willingly signed these papers and had full disclosure. They made a mistake. I am aware that some people were not told the truth by thier mortgage company and these mortgage companies should be made to take a hit. However, the current government bailout would also allow them to avoid the consequences of bad and unethical business practices.
Even the case of some proponents of abortion on demand, we are wanting to avoid the consequences of our actions. If you have sex, it does not matter what kind of birth control you use the consequences could be a baby or a STD. Abortion as a means of birth control attempts to avoid some of those consequences. It is enabling poor behavior.
We as a culture and as individuals need to stand up and take the consequences of our actions. God teaches us this. I mean God forgives us for ous sins, but many times we have to take the consequences. If I lie to my wife and lose her trust, God and my wife can forgive me, but I still have to earn her trust back. I still have to rebuild the relationship.
It seems to me we do not learn if we do not suffer the consequences. If the government is going to bail me out whenever I make a poor financial decision, then why bother making good ones. I do not have to think about the consequences, because someone else will take them for me.
I hope and pray that congress will realize that they are enabling. I for one will do what I can to take responsibility for my actions. I also hope ai teach my children the same thing. Responsibility is not always pleasant, but it is nesecary.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
True Leadership
Three weeks ago the Oklahoma Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church met in order to hear reports, celebrate ministry and organize for the coming year. As has been the case for the last four years Annual Conference really was wonderful. We had some powerful worship and I expereinced wonderful fellowship with many of my fellow Clergy persons who I had not seen or seen very little in the last year.
I did find it interesting, though, that our largest debate for the whole week occurred around our standards for clergy housing. Particularly the debate was whether or not smoking should be allowed in parsonages. If I timed it correctly, this debate went on for about an hour and a half. In essence this was not a theological discussion, nor was it a missional discussion, it was simple house keeping. However, isn't it these simple issues that we get side tracked on too often. The discussion of the smoking in parsonages reminded me of a church I served whose biggest controverseys were the color of a new piano and the color of the church carpet. How do these issues help us to "Make disciples for Jesus Christ." Ultimately, if someone is allowed to smoke in a parsonage or not, does not really help us make disciples. I heard all of the arguments, if we are going to reach out to the unchurched, they may want to come to my house and smoke. If I follow another pastor that smokes it will wreak havok with my allergies. I am allergic to cigarrette smoke, so I am painfully aware of this problem. I also have parishoners and friends outside of the church that smoke. I have always asked people to step outside to smoke if they are in my home. This is not being rude, it is simply the way it is. I have yet to have any of my smoker friends to get upset with me for politely asking them to step outside. In other words while these are nicely theologically sounding arguments, in reality they are easily adapted one way or the other. (I am aware that this ban on tobacco technically goes for chewing tobacco as well, but I am not going to ask someone to spit thier chew out if they visit me, unless they are spitting on my floor. In fifteen years of ministry, I have not had anyone spit on my floors!).
A truly theological point was made at Annual Conference in a simple gesture, though. When our awesome prison ministries was giving a report, there was a young woman who came forward to speak, her four children came with her. They all looked to 10 or younger and on the platform they could not be seen. Our Bishop, Bishop Bob Hayes, got up out of his chair and allowed the children to sit in his chair, where they could be seen and be more comfortable. This simple action hit me profoundly and I started crying. I think this action embodied what it means to be a servant leader. Allowing a child to take the most important seat in the house. Allowing the child of a single parent, ex-con, who is trying to get her life back together to be the honored guest for a few minutes. What an awesome picture of Christ like service. I applaud the Bishop.
I do not know if this act was an intentional symbolic act of the Bishop Hayes. I do not really think it was. Because one of the things that made it so profound was that he did not appear to think about it, the act was a deep part of who he was. The children needed to be seen and what better place to be seen than in the Bishops chair. I believe that such acts come naturally to our Bishop because he is a true servant leader.
May God bless our Bishop and all the other servant leaders of our Annual Conference. May we take away from Annual Conference not disagreements, not smoking or non-smoking, but that we are called to be servant leaders and to live our lives in the way Christ showed us how to live.
I did find it interesting, though, that our largest debate for the whole week occurred around our standards for clergy housing. Particularly the debate was whether or not smoking should be allowed in parsonages. If I timed it correctly, this debate went on for about an hour and a half. In essence this was not a theological discussion, nor was it a missional discussion, it was simple house keeping. However, isn't it these simple issues that we get side tracked on too often. The discussion of the smoking in parsonages reminded me of a church I served whose biggest controverseys were the color of a new piano and the color of the church carpet. How do these issues help us to "Make disciples for Jesus Christ." Ultimately, if someone is allowed to smoke in a parsonage or not, does not really help us make disciples. I heard all of the arguments, if we are going to reach out to the unchurched, they may want to come to my house and smoke. If I follow another pastor that smokes it will wreak havok with my allergies. I am allergic to cigarrette smoke, so I am painfully aware of this problem. I also have parishoners and friends outside of the church that smoke. I have always asked people to step outside to smoke if they are in my home. This is not being rude, it is simply the way it is. I have yet to have any of my smoker friends to get upset with me for politely asking them to step outside. In other words while these are nicely theologically sounding arguments, in reality they are easily adapted one way or the other. (I am aware that this ban on tobacco technically goes for chewing tobacco as well, but I am not going to ask someone to spit thier chew out if they visit me, unless they are spitting on my floor. In fifteen years of ministry, I have not had anyone spit on my floors!).
A truly theological point was made at Annual Conference in a simple gesture, though. When our awesome prison ministries was giving a report, there was a young woman who came forward to speak, her four children came with her. They all looked to 10 or younger and on the platform they could not be seen. Our Bishop, Bishop Bob Hayes, got up out of his chair and allowed the children to sit in his chair, where they could be seen and be more comfortable. This simple action hit me profoundly and I started crying. I think this action embodied what it means to be a servant leader. Allowing a child to take the most important seat in the house. Allowing the child of a single parent, ex-con, who is trying to get her life back together to be the honored guest for a few minutes. What an awesome picture of Christ like service. I applaud the Bishop.
I do not know if this act was an intentional symbolic act of the Bishop Hayes. I do not really think it was. Because one of the things that made it so profound was that he did not appear to think about it, the act was a deep part of who he was. The children needed to be seen and what better place to be seen than in the Bishops chair. I believe that such acts come naturally to our Bishop because he is a true servant leader.
May God bless our Bishop and all the other servant leaders of our Annual Conference. May we take away from Annual Conference not disagreements, not smoking or non-smoking, but that we are called to be servant leaders and to live our lives in the way Christ showed us how to live.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)